I'm dead tired right now and it's only 8 p.m. I have not had any flares since my last blog but boy I have had major stress in my life these past few weeks. I don't want my blog to be my "personal journal" because I mainly want this blog to help me and others understand how having Lupus from day one to...,whenever I stop writing my blog, has affected me and what are some of the symptoms to expect or the medications that come with it change or not, as my body adjusts throughtout the years.
I have been feeling tired and my back hurts a lot again. I get really bad chills and I've been getting dry eyes again, similar to allergies which I've never had in all my life, now irritate a lot while I'm at work. I've got a constant dry cough, not sure if this is because of the cold weather. This house is pretty cold since it is a raised foundation and there is no carpet, all hardwood. I still get the random chest pains by my heart but I've learned now not to run to take Naproxen unless desperately needed.
I'm worried about my move back home to Texas next year in July 2011. So in a sense, I have created my own stress. But because I have always been a planner, I like to prepare for the changes way ahead.
First , my kids, they want to stay here in California, which as any mother would tell anyone, it breaks my heart, but they are my little birdies that someday I knew would want to leave the nest. I just can't leave without them having a plan, where they will live, eat, put gas in their car?? all those expenses, and what if something happens, we have no family here except my ex-husband's who now are probably on his side now and we have drifted apart this past year.
My second and most important concern, is my medical insurance that I pay for myself and my daughter who has Type 1 Diabetes. What are the choices??? my niece who is a nurse in Texas tells me either you are on welfare and you can't live with family without disclosing their income because the counts as well, I pay for health ins which we don't qualify for on the Obama plan until 2014, or my only hope is to get a job that offers health ins benefits.
Ugggggh! so much burden on my shoulders! Luckily I have family that will help when we get there until I can figure out what to do next.
I could stay here in California but my job is stressful, it has sales quotas, which in today's market, nobody wants to buy! Also if I get sick I don't have enough sick days to make up for the lost income being out and my child support ends next November 2011. So it all is coming down on me next year which I want to head back home to have some family support not only financially but emotionally. I'm pretty lonely now, my kids go out with their friends so I'm alone here at home. I go out too once in awhile but I don't always have the energy or the money to go out.
As for my Lupus, nothing much has changed as far as meds, all the same. I just take them all the time like I'm supposed to. I have started walking my dog Shadow a few times around my new neighborhood since I gave up my house this past April to move to this rental house. I don't know the area too well to trust that I'm safe if something happens to me while walking around on my own.
A good thing did change though, I stopped having my bad long dreams finally. I feel it is because I decided to only drink two things, water and milk. I don't drink any soda (used to drink diet coke) and no alcohol period! So my brain seems to like the change and I have been sleeping better.
ok well I'm tired and heading to bed now
