No reason to be in here on my Lupus blog, just reading my past and it all doesn't sound so bad so far. I feel like I'm one of the few lucky ones that don't get Lupus flares or organs getting attacked. I feel bad for the others that do. But I will be honest, I keep feeling there will be this sudden brick that just falls on my head when I least expect it. Every different sign freaks me out. By signs, I mean, dark urine, numb hands when I sleep at night, pain in my chest next to my heart, sudden nausea, but these are not reasons to go to the doctors to figure out why.
Have you ever felt like a walking time bomb? I've always felt or thought I could feel premonitions of things that are going to happen. They have, but not to me personally. I'll sense an earthquake, and literally we had one that same morning in Northridge, CA. I sense a car accident in a motorcycle, next thing I hear on the news there was a pile up of motorcycles crashing near my house on the freeway. I don't like that feeling at all because I feel it on myself sometimes and those days are the scariest. Well enough about my bad vibe thoughts. No one believes me anyway when I tell them I sense these weird things.
So far my move is still on, but I'm having problems with truck or trailer rentals, etc to plan so my brothers can get all my stuff back home to Texas. I've still got 5 months to pack and plan so I'm trying not to get any stress out of this.
The good news is I did great on my college entry testing. For being out of school for over 25 years I was impressed with myself. Of course, I crammed in three weeks and bought a study book on how to skillfully pass a test, using pure logic works best. My student loan apps are all in so I am crossing my fingers that all goes as planned. I probably won't start Nursing school the Fall semester but by Spring of 2012 I should be in. I need to sharpen some more of my math skills. (Not everybody needs to learn what x + y equals!?)
I also found out today I need to find myself another Rheume doctor as my insurance just notified me they no longer approve my current one. So I am searching. But since I am moving to Texas, my health insurance advised me also they do not service that area so I am going to have to get into the new Healthcare Reform program which in turn, to qualify, I must be uninsured 6 months prior to be able to apply. I'm thinking I might bet on a prayer and stop paying my health insurance in March, stock up on my last meds to last me until September in hopes I can get my new doctor, insurance, and meds by then. Does that sound stressful to anyone and also crazy to consider?? I already know what it feels like just one day when I forget to take my Plaquenil at night. Next day I'm falling asleep at my desk just dead tired.
I don't know anymore, it's alot to put in my head right now so I try not to think about it so much, but, I do need a plan since only I take care of myself. Until next blog I'm done with venting to myself.
