Having really bad headache took Naproxen twice already had to take a Vicodin this morning now I'm nauseous adding to my misery. I still have my sore throat and sinus pain wish I felt better.
Got my blood work done have low white blood count which means my immune system is really low to fight off anything.
I can live with the joint pain but headaches are torture for me. I can't think and any noise causes more pain.
I hate laying in bed this is not my life!!
Monday, January 16, 2017
Saturday, January 7, 2017
LUPUS AND MARRIED NOW! JANUARY 2, 2017
I was running out of room in my last blog...but I will end this blog with how my life has changed. I met my husband Doug in September 2012 (online dating) we married in January of 2014. My daughter also got married in October of 2013 and I have a 3 year old granddaughter Aly who is the light of my heart! My daughter is expecting my 2nd granddaughter this month on January 19th. Again my heart is just overwhelmed with happiness! My daughter has her own home, her husband is wonderful to her and she a a stay home Mom. Her diabetes is under control and to date we are thankful to God there have been no issues and pray only for future blessings of the same!
My son has been in the Air Force and will soon be done for his six years enlistment. He is now married to a wonderful young lady and is living in Montana. He too is now buying his first home and will later be giving me some more beautiful grand-babies! He plans to join the police force and sadly but happily (bittersweet) will stay and live and work in Montana. But my husband and I love to go visit, it truly is "God's Country" and the fishing is great and so relaxing out there!
I too now own a home thankfully to my husband's sacrifice he too was in the Navy and with his VA loan we now have a beautiful home of our own. Our grand-kids and kids love to visit us and our friends too as it is the party house with a pool and spa. I could not be more thankful and blessed with my life right now.
As I look back now on the years of my life living with Lupus from day one, I can only say, you do not know the future journey of your life and what it will be like and who will be there to hold your hand. I did not want to be in a relationship or get married again. I did not want to be a burden to anyone to take care of me. I pictured my life and health to only get worse and yes, that I might die sooner. But you know, I didn't give up. I told myself I wouldn't. I took lots of chances, I was blessed with help from others both family and friends along the way. I made some decisions that others thought were foolish, like moving back to Texas, but I did it and thankfully to my great friend Judy and my son's help, I am back in California. I opened my heart one more time and met my wonderful husband Doug. He too is a Grandpa and has a son in the Air Force. He too was a single parent raising his two sons on his own. Yet here we met in California and are both happy and both love each other. We even own a time share my same great friend Judy and her husband Scott sold to us for $1 so my husband and I have been to Hawaii a couple of times now and plan to again this year with my son an his Wife.
I am so thankful and so blessed. My husband understands me, and gets me when I'm tired or don't feel good. He looks out for me and wants to take me to the doctors when I'm sick. I never thought this could be possible, that I would meet someone that was okay with me having Lupus. Even though I don't think he really understands what Lupus is, he is okay with loving me. I also got my dog Shadow back last year in July 2016 after 4 years I had missed her everyday. She is now 10 years old and I am happy to now take care of her in her Senior years. I can only hope she lives to 15 or 17 years as our other old family dog lived before I had lost our old house.
Living with Lupus has made me aware, not to worry, not to stress, to take one day at a time, and as my husband said, he liked my online profile "Living in the Moment". I didn't want to blog today to be about all the past medical stuff, but this is why I started this blog. I still get the bad headaches, bronchitis I get almost every winter year, I still get the back and neck pain. My legs and hands still get numb when I try to sleep tossing and turning at night. I have another new symptom, memory loss, and confusion. I am now making mistakes at work (I'm a perfectionist so this worries me) and I also have mood swings. My husband and daughter say I say things, some mean, that I don't remember saying. I am getting this checked out not sure if this is just a passing thing and just need Vitamin D or B12 to help with memory loss, and dementia doesn't run in my family, at least I don't think so as I don't know my sperm donor side. (my parents divorced with I was a baby) I can say I luckily have not had a flare. I mean a bad one to put me in the hospital. I am down to one Plaquenil a day as my Rhemu recommended (he is retired now) he said the medication itself is poison and would kill my liver off eventually. I do go out in the sun but know my limit and bathe myself in sunscreen, wear hats, and long sleeves which I hate and feel I look like a weirdo in the beach or lake but I do it so I won't get sick. I distant myself from drama and stress with family or certain people that make me feel uncomfortable. I rest when I need to and call in sick (without pay) when I need a break or feel pain that might provoke a flare. I have gained weight back but I'm the same as when I first got Lupus but wished I could loose. I have started bike riding again with my husband and swim now at our new home so I have goals this year as others do to lose weight (ha-ha) but for sure this year I will!
Here we are years later and I can truly say I have been blessed. I try not to think too far ahead, how many more years I will live to. My Mom is 89 years old and I will be 50 to think I could live another 39 years would be wonderful but I don't know that, I can only wish it could be.
My son has been in the Air Force and will soon be done for his six years enlistment. He is now married to a wonderful young lady and is living in Montana. He too is now buying his first home and will later be giving me some more beautiful grand-babies! He plans to join the police force and sadly but happily (bittersweet) will stay and live and work in Montana. But my husband and I love to go visit, it truly is "God's Country" and the fishing is great and so relaxing out there!
I too now own a home thankfully to my husband's sacrifice he too was in the Navy and with his VA loan we now have a beautiful home of our own. Our grand-kids and kids love to visit us and our friends too as it is the party house with a pool and spa. I could not be more thankful and blessed with my life right now.
As I look back now on the years of my life living with Lupus from day one, I can only say, you do not know the future journey of your life and what it will be like and who will be there to hold your hand. I did not want to be in a relationship or get married again. I did not want to be a burden to anyone to take care of me. I pictured my life and health to only get worse and yes, that I might die sooner. But you know, I didn't give up. I told myself I wouldn't. I took lots of chances, I was blessed with help from others both family and friends along the way. I made some decisions that others thought were foolish, like moving back to Texas, but I did it and thankfully to my great friend Judy and my son's help, I am back in California. I opened my heart one more time and met my wonderful husband Doug. He too is a Grandpa and has a son in the Air Force. He too was a single parent raising his two sons on his own. Yet here we met in California and are both happy and both love each other. We even own a time share my same great friend Judy and her husband Scott sold to us for $1 so my husband and I have been to Hawaii a couple of times now and plan to again this year with my son an his Wife.
I am so thankful and so blessed. My husband understands me, and gets me when I'm tired or don't feel good. He looks out for me and wants to take me to the doctors when I'm sick. I never thought this could be possible, that I would meet someone that was okay with me having Lupus. Even though I don't think he really understands what Lupus is, he is okay with loving me. I also got my dog Shadow back last year in July 2016 after 4 years I had missed her everyday. She is now 10 years old and I am happy to now take care of her in her Senior years. I can only hope she lives to 15 or 17 years as our other old family dog lived before I had lost our old house.
Living with Lupus has made me aware, not to worry, not to stress, to take one day at a time, and as my husband said, he liked my online profile "Living in the Moment". I didn't want to blog today to be about all the past medical stuff, but this is why I started this blog. I still get the bad headaches, bronchitis I get almost every winter year, I still get the back and neck pain. My legs and hands still get numb when I try to sleep tossing and turning at night. I have another new symptom, memory loss, and confusion. I am now making mistakes at work (I'm a perfectionist so this worries me) and I also have mood swings. My husband and daughter say I say things, some mean, that I don't remember saying. I am getting this checked out not sure if this is just a passing thing and just need Vitamin D or B12 to help with memory loss, and dementia doesn't run in my family, at least I don't think so as I don't know my sperm donor side. (my parents divorced with I was a baby) I can say I luckily have not had a flare. I mean a bad one to put me in the hospital. I am down to one Plaquenil a day as my Rhemu recommended (he is retired now) he said the medication itself is poison and would kill my liver off eventually. I do go out in the sun but know my limit and bathe myself in sunscreen, wear hats, and long sleeves which I hate and feel I look like a weirdo in the beach or lake but I do it so I won't get sick. I distant myself from drama and stress with family or certain people that make me feel uncomfortable. I rest when I need to and call in sick (without pay) when I need a break or feel pain that might provoke a flare. I have gained weight back but I'm the same as when I first got Lupus but wished I could loose. I have started bike riding again with my husband and swim now at our new home so I have goals this year as others do to lose weight (ha-ha) but for sure this year I will!
Here we are years later and I can truly say I have been blessed. I try not to think too far ahead, how many more years I will live to. My Mom is 89 years old and I will be 50 to think I could live another 39 years would be wonderful but I don't know that, I can only wish it could be.
LIVING WITH LUPUS 7 YEARS LATER.....WHAT A JOURNEY! JANUARY 7, 2017
I didn't think I would be able to find my old blog I started years ago....I was thankful I was able to! Reading it all back to when it all started in September 2009 when I was first diagnosed with Lupus (SLE) I can now understand what I felt back then to now. I could not imagine the twists and turns, ups and downs, my life has experienced to now.
I was thinking if anyone had read my blog and after 2011 when I stopped blogging must have probably thought I had died from Lupus. I am thankful and very blessed to say I am still here.
When I used to write back in the day in my paper journals it was an outlet for me. Writing my feelings down was something my high school English teacher had told us to do as part of an assignment and I continued later as a young adult. Putting words in paper instead of speaking out loud all the pain or sadness or frustrations I had experienced as I grew up.
Well where do I start, I am now 49 years old going to be 50 in October this 2017 year. It has been a journey for me and my family, meaning my two kids and myself.
If you read my blog to the last date, I was moving to Texas to become a nurse and go with my family back home to help me as I was done raising my two kids. My daughter graduating college moved out with her boyfriend, my son graduated high school was either going to college in California or back home with me in Texas.
Well, here's what happened, I quit my job even sooner having problems with the new girl my boss had hired to be the back-up whenever I was out sick. I had downsized to move to a smaller apartment with my son until we moved to Texas and started working for another office, same thing, insurance sales. My son was accepted into the University of La Verne on a partial scholarship and it turned out, I could not afford to pay the tuition difference of $6000 needed for him to start that semester in college. So we went to another option, he talked about going to the military and I was thankful he decided to join the Air Force.
So we both end up moving to Texas November of 2011 after he graduated high school. I lived at my Mom's house in a back Travel Trailer my brother owned. My Mom has an acre of land so there was room. My son stayed at my sister's house where she had an extra room. I stayed at my Mom's because she had the big yard also for my dog. I looked for a job everyday, went to the library to use their free internet. I applied at the school district my brother worked, still no job. Oh and I was unable to go to nursing school at the local community college because I had to first complete my general studies in English, math, etc. this was required first before I could start Nursing school. So this dream had to be put on hold. I needed an income to support myself. Luckily my son was able to find a job at K-mart during the holidays so he was able to give me some money to help pay for my propane heating, some food, and gas. I too pawned some of my jewelry to make ends meet. I felt I just needed a month or two and get a job to get my life going there.
In regards to my Lupus, I had stocked up in months of meds and luckily had not had a flare. I was trying not to stress myself just taking one day at a time. I was relaxed and peaceful back home in Texas as I was with with family. My daughter even flew in for Christmas and spent some time with me. Well days were flying by and still no job offers. I was beginning to worry. My son was eventually going to be leaving to the Air Force on his own. I was barely making ends meet and I was beginning to feel like a burden to my family. My Mom kept trying to give me food which I was uncomfortable with since I was so independent. I could not ask my brothers for money for gas or propane to heat my trailer. When I ran out of propane for three days I was freezing and put load of blankets and clothes on to keep warm at night. My son luckily got to keep his job past the holidays as he was a hard worker but my pride would not allow me to ask him for money. I would tell him I was okay it was his money he earned and to save it. I went to pawn my last few pieces of jewelry and one pawn shop offered me $150 I went to another pawn shop and luckily got $300 so this helped put propane back into the tank and I was okay for another month.
It was now mid January 2012. Still no job. I decided that I would need to come back to California and I was sure to find a job with my insurance experience. I called around and was already offered a couple of job interviews if I went back. By some miracle, my old friend and co-worker at my old office emailed me at that same time and asked how I was doing, I told her not good and thinking of coming back to California. She said she knew it! not in a mean way more of a "I told you so" ha-ha kind of way. I asked if she would help me by letting me stay in one of her rooms and rent to me until I got a job which I already had interviews for when I got back. I could only pay her $200 to cover utilities she said Okay without hesitation. That was my first sigh of relief. Well here goes the adventure.....so I tell my family I'm going back to California, I have $200 in my pocket for gas my son has some money too for his car gas to get us back. The plan was he would stay at his Grandma's house until he left to the military or I got my own place hopefully before then.
Well, we drive back, sadly I had to leave my dog Shadow at my Mom's house which broke my heart but I promised to get her back as soon as I could. We get back to California, scary weather in January with strong winds, rains, I worried about my son driving he had just gotten his license but we made it safely. Well I go to the 1st job interview and he doesn't hire me...?? what am I going to do? I went to the 2nd interview and he hires me but at a far less pay then I'm worth with experience.
In the end, I quit and find the job I am now with better pay. So it is now March 2012 I am still renting my friend's room and it going into July. I am paying her the going rent rate of $500 until I can figure out what I want to do with my life. My son has now left to the Air Force boot camp. My daughter, is doing great and plans on getting married soon. She has her college degree and has a full-time job and still living with her boyfriend. My daughter and I flew to San Antonio to be with my son after finishing boot camp and all seems to be going great.
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