LIVING WITH LUPUS 7 YEARS LATER.....WHAT A JOURNEY! JANUARY 7, 2017

I didn't think I would be able to find my old blog I started years ago....I was thankful I was able to! Reading it all back to when it all started in September 2009 when I was first diagnosed with Lupus (SLE) I can now understand what I felt back then to now. I could not imagine the twists and turns, ups and downs, my life has experienced to now. I was thinking if anyone had read my blog and after 2011 when I stopped blogging must have probably thought I had died from Lupus. I am thankful and very blessed to say I am still here. When I used to write back in the day in my paper journals it was an outlet for me. Writing my feelings down was something my high school English teacher had told us to do as part of an assignment and I continued later as a young adult. Putting words in paper instead of speaking out loud all the pain or sadness or frustrations I had experienced as I grew up. Well where do I start, I am now 49 years old going to be 50 in October this 2017 year. It has been a journey for me and my family, meaning my two kids and myself. If you read my blog to the last date, I was moving to Texas to become a nurse and go with my family back home to help me as I was done raising my two kids. My daughter graduating college moved out with her boyfriend, my son graduated high school was either going to college in California or back home with me in Texas. Well, here's what happened, I quit my job even sooner having problems with the new girl my boss had hired to be the back-up whenever I was out sick. I had downsized to move to a smaller apartment with my son until we moved to Texas and started working for another office, same thing, insurance sales. My son was accepted into the University of La Verne on a partial scholarship and it turned out, I could not afford to pay the tuition difference of $6000 needed for him to start that semester in college. So we went to another option, he talked about going to the military and I was thankful he decided to join the Air Force. So we both end up moving to Texas November of 2011 after he graduated high school. I lived at my Mom's house in a back Travel Trailer my brother owned. My Mom has an acre of land so there was room. My son stayed at my sister's house where she had an extra room. I stayed at my Mom's because she had the big yard also for my dog. I looked for a job everyday, went to the library to use their free internet. I applied at the school district my brother worked, still no job. Oh and I was unable to go to nursing school at the local community college because I had to first complete my general studies in English, math, etc. this was required first before I could start Nursing school. So this dream had to be put on hold. I needed an income to support myself. Luckily my son was able to find a job at K-mart during the holidays so he was able to give me some money to help pay for my propane heating, some food, and gas. I too pawned some of my jewelry to make ends meet. I felt I just needed a month or two and get a job to get my life going there. In regards to my Lupus, I had stocked up in months of meds and luckily had not had a flare. I was trying not to stress myself just taking one day at a time. I was relaxed and peaceful back home in Texas as I was with with family. My daughter even flew in for Christmas and spent some time with me. Well days were flying by and still no job offers. I was beginning to worry. My son was eventually going to be leaving to the Air Force on his own. I was barely making ends meet and I was beginning to feel like a burden to my family. My Mom kept trying to give me food which I was uncomfortable with since I was so independent. I could not ask my brothers for money for gas or propane to heat my trailer. When I ran out of propane for three days I was freezing and put load of blankets and clothes on to keep warm at night. My son luckily got to keep his job past the holidays as he was a hard worker but my pride would not allow me to ask him for money. I would tell him I was okay it was his money he earned and to save it. I went to pawn my last few pieces of jewelry and one pawn shop offered me $150 I went to another pawn shop and luckily got $300 so this helped put propane back into the tank and I was okay for another month. It was now mid January 2012. Still no job. I decided that I would need to come back to California and I was sure to find a job with my insurance experience. I called around and was already offered a couple of job interviews if I went back. By some miracle, my old friend and co-worker at my old office emailed me at that same time and asked how I was doing, I told her not good and thinking of coming back to California. She said she knew it! not in a mean way more of a "I told you so" ha-ha kind of way. I asked if she would help me by letting me stay in one of her rooms and rent to me until I got a job which I already had interviews for when I got back. I could only pay her $200 to cover utilities she said Okay without hesitation. That was my first sigh of relief. Well here goes the adventure.....so I tell my family I'm going back to California, I have $200 in my pocket for gas my son has some money too for his car gas to get us back. The plan was he would stay at his Grandma's house until he left to the military or I got my own place hopefully before then. Well, we drive back, sadly I had to leave my dog Shadow at my Mom's house which broke my heart but I promised to get her back as soon as I could. We get back to California, scary weather in January with strong winds, rains, I worried about my son driving he had just gotten his license but we made it safely. Well I go to the 1st job interview and he doesn't hire me...?? what am I going to do? I went to the 2nd interview and he hires me but at a far less pay then I'm worth with experience. In the end, I quit and find the job I am now with better pay. So it is now March 2012 I am still renting my friend's room and it going into July. I am paying her the going rent rate of $500 until I can figure out what I want to do with my life. My son has now left to the Air Force boot camp. My daughter, is doing great and plans on getting married soon. She has her college degree and has a full-time job and still living with her boyfriend. My daughter and I flew to San Antonio to be with my son after finishing boot camp and all seems to be going great.